Coming Back

So what do you do when you come “back”?

I once read a fellow travel blogger's article on coming home, and no matter where you come back to, who you see, or what you do, it’s always different, but rather, you’re always different. Coming home was something I was always afraid of. What would my old friends think, would I end up in the same old routine? So instead of really going back, I opted for a different path. I came out to Vancouver, a place I’d never been, to continue my travels, yet still come home. But there’s something off, something’s not right. I feel different, and it’s not something I’m enjoying, sadly to report. While I was hoping that I could treat this move like the last year and a half of my life, it’s become more of a settling than a transition. I find myself looking for more than making a quick buck and journeying to the next destination. There were things I wanted to accomplish here that would take more than 12 weeks. I have to stay. But the cost of it seems not worth it, metaphorically and literally. Here are my dilemmas;

The cost of living is so high in Vancouver, and I’m working 2 jobs that only pay me $10/h, half of what I was used to in Australia, where the living costs were the same. How can I live, let alone save in this kind of economy?

I need to save to accomplish the goals I’ve set for myself, but I don’t want to take 2 years to afford one thing. Example- going back to school, getting my PADI, taking trips around BC, travelling, doing extra curricular activities.

I don’t want to live the same life I did in Toronto- go to work, go out, make no money and spend it all.

As far as going back to school or attaining a more stable, meaningful job, I have to figure WHAT I want to do so that my time won’t be wasted.

Things in Vancouver are not going as planned and feel like a struggle. Part of my wants to just leave like I usually do, to another city, another country, anywhere. Where do I draw the line at actually proving that I can commit to something to better my future, and totally sacrificing my happiness and quality of living?

It thought that blogging might make me feel better, but the questions are now just written so I can read then, not answer them.

I’m not done yet.

So, my parents are moving to Barbados. Yeah, go back and read that again. "Did she mix up moving with vacationing, or Barbados with Burlington?" No no, you read it correctly. Just when I was getting used to the idea of moving back to a home in Toronto, it all gets changed. But such is my life when it comes to these sorts of plans. And I am my parents’ daughter. I can never make up my mind of where I want to go or what I want to do, and usually decide on a whim or a feeling. So I can’t expect my parents to be any different. They always said they would move around the world if an opportunity came up; and one has. Dad’s going to be doing work out of Barbados for the next few years.

This new piece of information has changed what I plan on doing for the next while. I had always assumed I’d finish my year in Australia and then go home, but since I really don’t have a home anymore, it really leaves the decision up to me, where I want to live. As I’ve travelled around the country I learn more everyday about the opportunities there are here, and frankly, it’s just too much to cover in a year.

After I was finished in Tasmania, I make a split second decision to move over to the west coast. Coming over here has been something that I wasn’t sure I would ever get to accomplish. Now that I’m here, it’s come clear to me that I really want to stay another year. In order to get a second working holiday visa, the government requires you to do three months of agricultural work in farming, fruit picking, mining or fisheries. Since I’m running low on time, I really need to get these three months done now. The search has been hard but I feel like I’ve got the resources now to get the right job, it’s just playing the waiting game to hear back from employers.

For now, I’m living with a highschool friend, Amanda Timler, who moved here a few years ago with her family. She’s been really great to put me up while I search for a job. For now I hope to enjoy a bit of Perth before I get stuck on a farm for three months. Wish me luck in the search!

Still searching

I'm having a mid trip crisis. Someone asked me how long I've been here and when I told them, 5 months, they coolly remarked that I was almost at my half year mark; half the trip was over. I was not very happy with this and didn't even put it together that I was almost at 6 months. So for the past week I'm been having major mood swings and questioning what I'm really doing. I've hardly done anything, and there's so much that I want to do. I don't think I'm going to have time for all of this.
Secondly, I feel quite alone here. I came here with Carley, and love it when we do trips together, but I worry that we're on two very different paths, and she'll not be ready when I am. Other than that, I really have no one to travel with. And I guess not just travel, but spend time with and lean on, and have a strong relationship with. I really miss my family back home, and all of my friends, and dearly wish that they could be here doing this with me.
I feel pretty hopeless at the moment, like nothing is moving forward, I'm just at a stand still. All I want to do is travel, but I haven't got enough money or someone to go with right now.
At least the weather is cooling down...

Limbo

Thoughts of the day:
Frequent and extensive transit systems are no good when you have no place to go
Cities are pointless to live in when you have no one to go out with
Phone plans are expensive when you have no one to call
Having a gym membership does not necessarily mean you'll get in shape
The concrete jungle is slowing taking its toll on me

I'm having a hard time trying to find my happiness here. I'm really not happy to just stay in by myself, it's rather lonely, however I'm not entirely happy to spend every weekend at the pub, drinking away all the money I'm supposed to be saving. And to be honest, unless you're with really good mates, or you completely inebriated, it's just a mundane evening 9 out of 10 times. This is highly conducive to my lack of self confidence I'm sure, but I could have just grown out of that partying phase.
My dream involves a coastal town, a part time job and second hand surf board. Why do I find it so complicated to make that happen. The whole point of being here was to rid myself of strings and responsibilities and do what I want.
I'm looking for answers but I'm stuck in limbo...and believe me; the rent is too high in Limbo.